WHY AM I DOING THIS????

So today when i woke up, i thought another day has just come, i felt so tied and was ashamed so much has i have being not praising my God as i should, i have being lost and i have no good explanation i can give.I felt i had forgotten my creator who had given me everything i wished and above all, good health.
As i was having shower i remember i cried, and asked my self," why am i doing this, why can't i be a faithful follower to my God, why do i keep on forgetting his presence and protection in my life for the last 46 years that i have been in this world".
I was so sad as i knew that if at that moment my creator came, i would not enter the kingdom of God, i had not attained good performance to receive this great gift.
I know there are so many people there out like me, who in one way or another cannot keep their promises to service good as wished.But i just realized that our God is tender, loving and likes forgiving His children who comes to him and seeks forgiveness.
This made me cry and wish why was i born if i cannot keep my word, why do i find it so hard to do what am supposed to do, why cannot be stable in my faith and all good ways that i envy? I know what am supposed to do but every time i find my self doing against what i wish to do.I don't know why i cannot get enough courage to say no, now its enough i want to serve my God, i want to praise my God the with the few days of my life remaining, i want to get more people to know God and serve him. This is what i want to do but am afraid i do not do that, i keep on serving my body instead of my soul, i keep spoiling Gods' temple which am supposed to keep clean.
Are you there, am so sad and i need help, i know the kingdom of God is for me to take, but am losing it with my deeds..
Thanks for reading this and welcoming your assistance.
God bless.